How to be a Jerk in the Office

Today I thought I would provide some tips for those of you who would like to one day become the biggest jerk in your office. We'll use examples of some injustices that befell me today before lunch.




1. If you're a security guard responsible for checking peoples' bags, don't check their bags. Just glare at them angrily.

 2. If someone's coming in the door behind you and both their arms are full, don't hold the door open for them - slam it in their face while making eye contact.

3. If you decide, for some reason, to hold your important meeting RIGHT next to the soda refill machine, it is your God-given right to give people dirty looks while they refill their sodas.

 

4. If someone almost bumps into you in the hall, then apologizes for it, you should sigh, hold your arms up dramatically, and look inconvenienced as they walk by.


5. Talk loudly outside of someone else's cube

6. In fact, hold a Loud Talkers Convention outside of someone else's cube.

7. Make a request. Ask repeatedly to make sure that it is done immediately, because you're obviously the only one making requests.

Follow these steps and you'll be well on your way to becoming someone I hate I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU

The End! :)



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