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Cheerful Autopsy

Common sense is dead. Let's find out what killed it! :3

Strangers' Babies

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

People have been showing me a lot of pictures of babies recently. Now, if you know me, you know that I’m NOT a baby person at all. Even a little. I’m not pro-choice, I’m pro-abortion.

Now, if you’re showing me a picture of a baby that belongs to someone I know, it’s fine. No big deal. But my problem is that people keep showing me pictures of babies belonging to people I either don’t know, or don’t like.

I was at a meeting the other day which was held up because my boss didn’t show up on time (as usual). People started showing off pictures of their kids and grandkids. I didn’t bother to learn the names of most of the people in the room. What makes them think that I want to see their offspring?

Then, one guy at the meeting mentioned a name. “Anyone know ______?”

Everyone shook their heads no. Except for me. I just sat there, because if I had said a word, my head might have exploded.

You see, ______ happened to be the same jerk I recently had to call HR on for harassment - he had a habit of calling me every 30 minutes or so to scream at me for not breaking security policies for him. He also has a history of throwing temper tantrums (stomping, screaming, and shaking fists – the whole nine yards) right in the middle of an office setting.

So, when his name was mentioned at this meeting, I just sat there quietly.

“Well,” said the guy at the meeting, after NOBODY acknowledged knowing who ______ was, “He just had a BABY!!” He swiftly pulled up a series of photos on his smartphone, and passed it around the office. Everyone at the meeting (with the exception of Your Humble Narrator) began cooing and squeaking with excitement at the newborn baby stranger. Someone shoved the phone in my face so that I could see, too. I made no attempt to fake a smile or any interest at all. I continued to sit there with a blank expression on my face.

All I could think about was what a horrible father this man would be. Why do terrible people reproduce? This baby is probably going to grow up to be just like its father – an insufferable brat.

My hatred for ______ (and any of his young) aside, what sense does it make for people to want to see a complete stranger’s baby? Not only do they want to see the pictures, they squeal with joy when they see them! It just doesn’t make sense to me. Babies are like people, right? Small, very stupid people. With no motor skills. It seems so strange that people get so excited about strangers’ kids. They’re all over the place. Too many of them, if you ask me.

And at what point does it actually become inappropriate?
“Ohh! Look, here’s a picture of my neighbor’s son!! I know you don’t know my neighbor, but look!”
That phrase turns weird if it’s followed up with the display of a 30 year old man.
Or a teenager?
…Or an eight year old..?
But it’s ok with a baby? I don’t know. It just seems kind of strange to me.

I don’t get people.

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at 1:31 PM    

Labels: babies, children, jerks, rant, stupid people, true story, work

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